Happy New Year

Happy New Year everybody!

There were so many things that happened this year.

Happy things, sad things, excited things......

Well, they are all part of memory in my life.

Happy things bring nostalgia. Traumatizing things make me stronger.

And welcome 2011~~~!!!!!!!

So many things to look forward too as well.

I'll keep on writing on this blog I promise!

It's a part of my life now hehehe :D

Now, to celebrate the last day of 2010. I will now present to you a picture I drew of Zidane!

Please, please, no judgements. I do it out of love, respect it!

Pencil version(which in my view is so much better):

And traced version: I don't have the confidence to colour...

What I am Looking For

I don't have a big dream. And I probably never will. So what am I looking for in this life?
Well, a teenage female not unlike myself would say that we are looking for love. It doesn't matter what type of romance it is, it is got to be sweet and romantic, whether the romance is melodramatic or quiet and happy. Every girl dreams to find someone in movies or books, someone reliable, someone who has integrity, someone who would save you when you are in danger.
But when i hear it, unfortunately, I don't find this concept fascinating. Surely love is important. But is romance really necessary? Yes, I like to read something with a little romance in it, but in reality I do not have much interest in the romance about me. I don't LOOK FOR it, if it happens, it happens. And I'm happy. But if it doesn't happen. I can still be happy, right? So romance is not what I am looking for.
Maybe I am looking for a reason to be in this world? Not really. I believe that we have meanings the minute we are born. I strongly believe that the fact you are in this world is why you are in this world. I don't need the world's approvement to be in it, and I don't need anybody else. I believe that everybody live for themselves, and that it is their choice to dedicate it to somebody else.
Am I looking for a big life with tons of money and fame? Hmmm.....it is tempting but I don't have a reason to look for it. I am happy enough now.
So what am I looking for? What am I searching for?
I guess that it is an abstruse question. Instead of sitting down writing about my rhetoric question, why don't I just take action and find out?

About parents

Have you realized that most of the songs in this modern world are mostly all about love, friendship and god? There are not a lot about any love between blood relations and grattitude towards them. There are barely any songs about our mother, father and others. I am now writing one "article" about them in this blod. And I might even draw one about a mother and child.
I myself, am still a teenager. And as all the teenagers think, I also think my parents are caring too much, nagging too much and sometimes maybe a bit paranoid. We tend to think that parents are on the bottom of our caring list. We tend to think that friendship and our boyfriend or girlfriend are way more important than our parents. Because we have less connections with them, they are older, they are grown-ups, they don't understand why we do what we do. And maybe it is true.
But it is not always so. I just realized the imporance of our parents very very deeply in my soul. I cannot live without them, I would not be myself without them, I don't know what would I do without them. It might sound really cheesy, but that is how I feel right now. And I will be extremely happy to hear you to say it too.
First of all, our parents give us lives. Without them we will not exist. The fact that they would even agree to go through great pain to have us should deserve a huge hug of gratitude. It sounds dumb, no? Nonetheless it is true.
Second of all, they love you unconditionally. They would do anything for you, they would sacrifice their lives in order to keep you alive. They would love you no matter what. Maybe it is because of that you might subconsciously start to think that it is a definete thing for them to love you so you cherish your boyfriend/girlfriend/friends more because they are the ones who always go away.
Our parents are always mad at us because they love us. They nag us because they don't want us to get hurt. They don't understand our actions......well because they are grown-ups....you can't really help it the time is changing eventually you are going to get old and not understand your kids....
Anyway...personally speaking...I love my mommy. And sometimes I cry just thinking about her being not there for me. And they might be over-protective and my daddy yells at me without me trying to provoke him in any way but......the truth is...you need to start cherishing them. Because they are not going to be there one day.
I love my parents....not that I don't get mad at them.....but that doesn't mean I don't love them.
I love you mommy. I love you daddy. :D

Trying very hard to draw well but failed..

Recently I have been drawing a lot.
Of course what I drew was mostly Zidane and Garnet and Zidane and then Zidane again...
But I enjoy drawing originals too
It's like writing..just that you need to have good control of your hand.
I have to admit it is kind of fun.
I can't draw anything "realistic" though....it's like manga..
Digress!
Anyway, I just started to learn to draw on computer 3 days ago.
The first time man!!! I didn't know anything about photoshop, drawing or coloring in computer, blah blah blah.
And I finished this original draw that I'd like to put up on this blog.
Read my stuff is such an eyesore...big blobs of texts, right?
So why not take a breat and look at this?

This is what I did.
First I did a draft in pencil on paper with my hand.
I scanned it onto my computer and then put it on photoshop to trace the basic out lines of the picture.
Then I color it and add shadows.
And in photoshop I added stars and effects.
Of course in the beginning I didn't know what the heck was I doing.
I did a LOT of reading, okay? My head kept spinning on the first day i read all of it and I was like :"Oh my god this is hopeless I'm never gonna get this done."
But when you're doing it it is fun^^

This is the pencil draft:


My scanner is crappy so it looked like that...
And somehow it was side ways...

This is the traced version, with no color, only outlines:



I know it looks empty....but it makes it WAY more easier to color.

The completed version:




Looks pretty good, huh? :D
My first completed work ever..
I know I am nothing compared to all those brilliant artists..but I'll work hard.
The most important thing is to have fun!
Of course that does not mean I would give up writing, it is a type of "art" too. And any type of "art" is fun to me.
It is a great way to kill time during summer vacation when you are in a situation like I am in right now-bored to death.
Why not try it?

Thinking about venturing and gaining

I'm just making a point before I start talking. This is what I was wondering about because I was making an attempt to wreck my brain.....no that's not true. I just felt like writing it down. So I hold no offensive attitude to anyone or anything, this is purely my opinion. Feel free to disagree with me and tell me your thoughts related to this topic. I would love to talk.
Please no defiant comments, I don't exactly know what I am talking about so....
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I myself wasn't really certain how this thought came up to me either, so don't ask.
Maybe because I am a big fan to Full Metal Alchemist, but that's not exactly how it came up.
Okay, so.
"Nothing ventured, nothing gained."
This sentence popped out in my mind when I was eating dinner just now. (I did too much thinking and my father kind of got pissed at me but that's another story.)
And then I was thinking, does that mean when you are not losing anything, you are actually not gaining anything either?
Maybe so.
Everybody heard "I don't want to lose anything." once or twice in their lives, perhaps they might even have said it themselves. But the point is, that also means you are not going to gain anything, or worse, you are saying that you don't WANT to. Well of course I'm affirmative that people did not mean to not gain anything when they said that sentence, I can understand what they mean. They are saying that while maintaining the capability to obtain, they do not desire to lose anything at the same time.
People call this greed, selfishness, desire. It takes in different shapes and name-gluttony, lust,etc.But it's only natural, even though this kind of wish is not necessarily something to be proud of, however everyone has it.
Who doesn't want a perfectly happy life?
Nonetheless-I'm not claiming that we shouldn't have it-gaining and not losing is not nearly a possible thing to do.
Although sometimes you may THINK it is like that, when practically you did lose something.
For example, you grow up. You like growing up. It is the best thing that ever happened to you and there is nothing to it. No toll, no nothing. Nevertheless, if you look at the big picture here, you have lost the innocence and that easily fulfilled satisfication as a child.
Now, in my opinion, equivalent exchange DOES exist in this world.
I can feel all kinds of contradictory comments even though I am in front of my laptop and talking to no one.
Just saying, no Full Metal Alchemist is involved in this, except for the word.I'm no lunatic. Alchemy doesn't exist.
However, alchemy is not what equivalent exchange is. Alchemy is solely a made-up way for humans to substantiate the existence of that philosophy as well as an exhoration to achieve to a level to manipulate it.
This so called "equivalent exchange" is obviously something you cannot control, because alchemy is not real.
Frankly I do not even think the current definition of equivalent exchange is right.
That doesn't mean it is not there in this world though, right?
I hear a lot of people say that the world is not fair.
What IS fair?
You lose something you love and you don't get anything back?
What do you mean by "anything"?
"Anything at all", or "anything that makes you equally happy"?
The answer is undeniably the second one, am I not correct?
You gained SOMETHING, but merely because it does not satisfy you, it is not fair?
It is not worth it?
Maybe the thing you gained IS worth everything you lost, but you don't like it.
That doesn't mean it's not fair.
That just means you don't think it's fair.
Sometimes the things you exchanged is not exactly what you wanted. When you do not know what you will lose, you should not expect to gain what you wanted either.
Let's say you born in a poor house, no food, starving, ugly, and you want to die.
So in the formula of the equivalent exchange, you lost home, food, looks.
What you gained is the sadness, independance, and a dreadful experience of agony.
Not what you expected, but you wouldn't have obtained all of those if it wasn't for the things that happened to you.
It is equally as valuable.
It is merely not something you expected.
Sorrow can be exchanged as happiness sometimes, but sometimes it cannot be.
Happiness can be exchanged as happiness sometimes, but sometimes it cannot be.
Nothing is absolute.
We humans have so much we don't know. Maybe we have a ton of things that we will not know.
The world is full of possibilities.
And all I am doing right now is making assumptions.
Because you don't like it or you didn't realize it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
Just like because I believe in equivalent exchange in an unique style doesn't mean that it exists either.
Maybe it does,
maybe it doesn't.
It's for everybody to find out.
:)

My philosophical talk with my dad

Me and my dad basically talked for about philosophy for an hour yesterday at night...
I think it is really insightful that I could share it with you guys^^
What? Just because I love games I can't be intelligent?
I will classify the topics so that you can read it easier.

1)About judging good or bad:

This is the the start of the whole conversation. I was talking about Final Fantasy Versus XIII with him and I told him about the phrase in there which I concur a lot:"Nothing is ever good or bad. But due to the judgment by the humans, it fell into those two classifications." And he agreed with me. I think there is no such thing as good or bad before humans came. Because everything is in its cycle. For example, people think wolves are evil because they eat meat, but we humans eat meat more than anybody else. So we cannot really judge because we are on the top of the food chain, we are the most evil existance of all. But then my dad proclaims that there are also good and bad within the "bad" classification, and perhaps we humans are just a part of nature as well. And the concept of "good" and "bad" are not absolutely fixed, it all depends on the perspective of the individual. Because everybody have their own way to look at things, a certain angle. Nobody could really look at a thing in 360 degrees or there will be no differences between us and no dispute in opinions.

2)The meaning of life

My dad thinks that there are 2 types of the meaning of life: one, is that devoting, dedicating and leave a mark in history; two, is to enjoy your life plainly. It really made me confused because I don't believe that the meaning of life would just fall into merely two categories. I believe that the meaning of life is to make your life meaningful to you. No one really knows what it is, though. Because it depends on certain people and their interest. Some people think having a happy normal life would be meaningful, and some people think actually achieving and accomplishing something would be meaning. I argued with my dad that maybe devoting a mark in current society and leaving your footsteps in history IS how a certain person enjoys life, maybe doing that MADE them think that their life is meaningful. I think he agreed with me....but then he said a whole bunch of other arguments that really confused me....I think his main idea was that he approve what I said, and he is not arguing with me about that, but because I didn't understand how he classifies them, he told me how. Although after his speech, I was still clueless. His way of thinking is too profound for me to comprehend. Again, this topic is inspired by FFIX....cuz the point of the whole game is to make Zidane realize what life is, but it doesn't mean that is actually what life is.

3)Cycle of life

It still depends on people's concepts. Like to me, you can only experience life once as YOURSELF. Yes maybe you can goes through karma and start another life, I don't deny it, however, you may not be YOURSELF anymore, your gender may be different, your species may be different, your personality may be different. You would start a whole another life, as a different person. So I think everybody should cherish the experience of THIS life, because you will never ever ever get it back again. Afterwards I inquired my dad that whether he thinks we would re-live another life like in Buddhism but in the lowest term of life and live up to be human again. He thinks we might, but there maybe another higher level of life that we don't know yet and live up to THAT form after we die. Which hops to another topic.(see#5)

4)Whether or not God exists

I wanted to ask my dad that question a long time ago.
As much facts as science have explained, it did not explain everything. There are always something that science/logic cannot explain really well. An example of that, would be miracle. No matter how contradictory those two beliefs are, is there a possibility for science AND gods existing at the same time? My dad's answer is that is completely possible. The unknowns provides us unlimited possibilities. Then I started talking about gods. My opinion is that gods DOES exist, but just not the one(or ones)that humans believe in. First of all, there are too many gods in too many different religions, even in different skin color. I mean, Mohammed, Buddhah, Jesus, Zeus? These are all made up by people(really, no offense)and they just want to believe in them because they have nothing else to believe in. I do not suppose there are enough space for people to accept ALL of them and say that ALL of them are true.(point proven by those millions of Crusades & the big Holocaust happened a long time ago.)Then my dad said that perhaps there is ONE of them that is actually real, and ONE of the prophets in history might've really gotten the enlightenment from whatever god. Well, he kinda talked me into it. So my belief changed a little due to the "unlimited possibilities".

5)Optimistic, or pessimistic?

This topic is linked to #3. How? After he said that there might be a higher form of living, he told me that that is the difference between optimistic and pessimistic. Being optimistic is to think there is a higher living above humans; pessimistic is to think that human IS the highest level of living and we will be living the lowest life after we die and reborned. "Which way of thinking is easier to live your life?" asked my deeply-intelligent-child-loving dad. My answer is optimistic(obvoiusly). Optimistic is sticking to reality, pessimistic is out of reality. For example, I look out the window right now, my optimistic thoughts are:what a nice day; and my pessimistic thoughts will be:oh man it's definetely going to rain. If you look at the clouds, optimistic thoughts: the sky is so blue and perfect;pessimistic:what if the sky cracks and demons come out? See? Being pessimistic is to imagine yourself in the worse(or worst)situation and not seeing the beauty of everything. Nobody likes to live that way. But some people are just born to be pessimistic, it is in your DNA and you cannot help but worry. So, here is a solution:stick to what you know, what is around you, and most importantly, STICK TO THE PRESENT AND NOT THE FUTURE. Looking at the future too much might make you miss a chance that is never going to happen again. And I learned that from my dad.

Oh man...that last one sounds like something that comes from an advice coloum......oh well, I don't want to adjust it.
So as you can see, my dad and I actually talked about a lot of unpractical stuff...but I really enjoyed it. And that's basically how I spend my "quality time" with my dad because that's probably the only thing that we have in common...With my mom, we have a lot more stuff to do. But the amound of fun I have is the same, in different ways. I like to sit down and talk, not as a listener or a talker, but both.^^

I simply cannot WAIT until Final Fantasy Versus XIII comes out!!

Here is a mixed trailer some one made....YOU HAVE TO WATCH IT IN HIGH QUALITY!!!
It's plainly out of this world....
Enjoy!!

I know this game is in the making ever since 2007.....and I cannot wait for it to come out! The release date is approximately in late Decemeber, 2009...only half a year of waiting to go! I am good at waiting...
The graphics blew me away the second I saw it.
So realistic, so exciting, so.....magnificent!
It made my blood dance in my arteries, making me hyper.
Okay, I know that I said that Zidane is my favourite character and all...but Noctis is flat-out awesome! My brain adores the way his name rings:Noctis Lucis Caelum. I am really glad that he is not as cold and ruthless like Cloud and Squall, as much as he seemed to be like that. Not only that he is shy, Nomura said that he have always wanted to try a specific personality on a character, which shows to be within Noctis. It is not revealed yet, but i bet that he has a great personality. As a prince-who is supposed to be weak and manipulative,because most prince are jerks..-he is strong, cool, and HOT!(Okay I'm sorry I shouldn't have said what I said to scare people....ignore that..)
The question of whether or not Noctis and Stella are going to have romance still haunts me a little. Everybody knows that Stella and Noctis are real enemies and they have to fight each other no matter what. That would make a classic romance. "I love you but it is my duty to kill you." It is going to make my heart throb, but it's better than nothing, right?
I love the concept of making Noctis eye's turn crimson when he is in battle as a sign of sin and blood. I always admired people with red eyes, trust me...
And being able to control 10 swords in a fight when you're playing the game....is the best out of the best! I mean I felt REALLY good when I was using Roxas with 2 keyblades in Kingdom Hearts II, imagine how i would feel if I had TEN...

Anways...I just know it's going to be a huge hit all over the world.