Cavern of Remembrance(click to play,listen to this when you read my blog)

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Thinking about venturing and gaining

I'm just making a point before I start talking. This is what I was wondering about because I was making an attempt to wreck my that's not true. I just felt like writing it down. So I hold no offensive attitude to anyone or anything, this is purely my opinion. Feel free to disagree with me and tell me your thoughts related to this topic. I would love to talk.
Please no defiant comments, I don't exactly know what I am talking about so....
I myself wasn't really certain how this thought came up to me either, so don't ask.
Maybe because I am a big fan to Full Metal Alchemist, but that's not exactly how it came up.
Okay, so.
"Nothing ventured, nothing gained."
This sentence popped out in my mind when I was eating dinner just now. (I did too much thinking and my father kind of got pissed at me but that's another story.)
And then I was thinking, does that mean when you are not losing anything, you are actually not gaining anything either?
Maybe so.
Everybody heard "I don't want to lose anything." once or twice in their lives, perhaps they might even have said it themselves. But the point is, that also means you are not going to gain anything, or worse, you are saying that you don't WANT to. Well of course I'm affirmative that people did not mean to not gain anything when they said that sentence, I can understand what they mean. They are saying that while maintaining the capability to obtain, they do not desire to lose anything at the same time.
People call this greed, selfishness, desire. It takes in different shapes and name-gluttony, lust,etc.But it's only natural, even though this kind of wish is not necessarily something to be proud of, however everyone has it.
Who doesn't want a perfectly happy life?
Nonetheless-I'm not claiming that we shouldn't have it-gaining and not losing is not nearly a possible thing to do.
Although sometimes you may THINK it is like that, when practically you did lose something.
For example, you grow up. You like growing up. It is the best thing that ever happened to you and there is nothing to it. No toll, no nothing. Nevertheless, if you look at the big picture here, you have lost the innocence and that easily fulfilled satisfication as a child.
Now, in my opinion, equivalent exchange DOES exist in this world.
I can feel all kinds of contradictory comments even though I am in front of my laptop and talking to no one.
Just saying, no Full Metal Alchemist is involved in this, except for the word.I'm no lunatic. Alchemy doesn't exist.
However, alchemy is not what equivalent exchange is. Alchemy is solely a made-up way for humans to substantiate the existence of that philosophy as well as an exhoration to achieve to a level to manipulate it.
This so called "equivalent exchange" is obviously something you cannot control, because alchemy is not real.
Frankly I do not even think the current definition of equivalent exchange is right.
That doesn't mean it is not there in this world though, right?
I hear a lot of people say that the world is not fair.
What IS fair?
You lose something you love and you don't get anything back?
What do you mean by "anything"?
"Anything at all", or "anything that makes you equally happy"?
The answer is undeniably the second one, am I not correct?
You gained SOMETHING, but merely because it does not satisfy you, it is not fair?
It is not worth it?
Maybe the thing you gained IS worth everything you lost, but you don't like it.
That doesn't mean it's not fair.
That just means you don't think it's fair.
Sometimes the things you exchanged is not exactly what you wanted. When you do not know what you will lose, you should not expect to gain what you wanted either.
Let's say you born in a poor house, no food, starving, ugly, and you want to die.
So in the formula of the equivalent exchange, you lost home, food, looks.
What you gained is the sadness, independance, and a dreadful experience of agony.
Not what you expected, but you wouldn't have obtained all of those if it wasn't for the things that happened to you.
It is equally as valuable.
It is merely not something you expected.
Sorrow can be exchanged as happiness sometimes, but sometimes it cannot be.
Happiness can be exchanged as happiness sometimes, but sometimes it cannot be.
Nothing is absolute.
We humans have so much we don't know. Maybe we have a ton of things that we will not know.
The world is full of possibilities.
And all I am doing right now is making assumptions.
Because you don't like it or you didn't realize it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
Just like because I believe in equivalent exchange in an unique style doesn't mean that it exists either.
Maybe it does,
maybe it doesn't.
It's for everybody to find out.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

White Light Grey (fanfic of Full Metal Alchemist, CP fake EdWin)

This one is in Chinese.
The couple in this one is not the real EdWin, the scene is after the Conqueror of Shamballa. About the Winry in the other world.
Here is the link if you want to check out the original.
The original in Chinese
White Light Grey
Why was there only bright gold and fiery red?
Because those were the memory segments of unforgettable brightness and warmth.
It was the fourteen year-old little brother Alphonse Elric who opened the door when Winry came to visit.
"May I speak to Mr.Edward Elric, please?"
"Please come in."
The young boy gestured politely, slightly stepping aside to let her in. The room was not unkempt as she imagined. Instead It was unexpectedly tidy and clean. It seemed that they were organized people.
"Brother is still resting. So you have to wait a bit. Sorry."
"No, no. I was too sudden."
"So what did you come here for?"
"Um, I heard that Mr. Edward has a special type of artificial arm and leg called "automails", so...."
A sound made by metal hitting the wooden floor echoed from the inside of the corridor. Along with the sound, a thick, sleepy voice from a man entered Winry's ears.
"Al, we have visitors?"
Edward, different from Alphonse, was much more indescribable.
Winry felt the little brother was more fun and easy to be with. Edward scarcely smiled, he always held a nonchalant attitude to everything.
However he still approved her request to "study automails".
Winry shifted her eyes from the data in her hands to Edward-who sat beside her. He was a peculiar person, thought Winry.
"Do you have any questions?"
"Ah, no. I was just thinking that this type of things really exists in this world...Is it called automails?"
"Yeah, though I don't really know much about it."
"What? Mr.Edward didn't make this?"
Edward, shaking his head, dropped his gentle gaze onto his right arm. The hard, cold metals reflected the sunlight, making it sparkle luminously as if it was shrouded by warmth. It was the type of tender expressions that Winry had never seen on Edward before.
She heard a little bit about his mechanic from Alphonse. "She" was a childhood friend who grew up with them.
She must be pheonominal.
Winry turned off the lights before burying her head in the blankets.
Why did she want to learn how to make automails?
The Elric brothers asked her the same question. Her answer was immediate, without hesistation.
Because she desired to help handicapped people to continue to pursue their dreams.
Winry remember when Edward heard her response, his eyes towards towards her deluded for a second, and a bright grin appeared on his face after. Short yet rare.
"It's the other way."
"Sorry, I'll adjust it."
There was a slight color difference between the two identical screws. She could barely tell unless examining them closely. Although she did not suppose it would make any difference, but she made an effort to tell them apart.
"Rockbell, can you help me organize those files?"
"How about those over there?"
"That's okay, you don't need to."
The antique clocked ticked loudly. The quivering hands accidentally knocked down a box of screws, making a million of pitter-patters on the ground. The girl's eyes reddened, causing the young man to automatically panick, just like a long time ago, with "her".
Even though he knew they were not the same.
She had never favored Art Class.
She could not separate the colorful crayons.
The world in Winry's eyes,
was full of great chunks of grey.
How did he know?
Edward Elric, a sensitive and perceptive man.
Winry inhaled.
No one ever noticed it.
Even though she was color blind, she could be an ordinary person.
Frankly, grey was not an ugly color.
So it was okay, unnecessary for her to be troubled by it.
Although this was what the brain was telling her, the tears were unstoppable. Her voice was croaking.
Edward paced towards her. Winry, lifting her head, was not able to see him with blear eyes. Then, he embraced her.
The touch was rough and hard; the scent of bleach was in his clothes, overwhleming her nose.
"I know. So don't cry."
Please don't cry.
The final guardline of her tear system collapsed once again.
Eventually, Edward walked Winry home. He left after she fell asleep. Winry opened her eyelids; the sunlight shone on the curtain, glittering dimly.
It was monochrome. No distinct outline. Grey.
"It's already morning."
Washing up, changing her clothes, she picked up the tools and datas normally, ready to go out. With a hand placing on the door handle, Winry contemplated about whether or not to go.
"I better not go."
Ding Dong~
Instinctly pressing down the handle, Alphonse's appearance was outside, holding a bag of groceries and a black dog.
"Good morning, Miss Winry. I was just dropping by."
"Come in. I thought you were a cat person."
"Brother is always grousing about how motherly I am. But this time I want Miss Winry to take care of him."
"Pardon me?"
Alphonse put the little creature down on the floor. It obediently lay down.Winry could now see, that he did not have a front left leg.
"His name is Den. Only you can save him."
It was the second day after she made Den her pet that she visited the Elric House. Winry understood what Alphonse meant that day.
"Miss Winry, good morning." It was Alphonse. "Den, good morning."
He stroked the animal's furry head, as if he knew the dog for a long time.
"Good morning, Alphonse." Den seemed a bit awkward in her arms. Therefore she switched a position.
"Brother was drinking yesterday. I'm gonna go buy some headache medicine now. can you help me watch the house?"
"I'll leave it to you."
The young boy smiled apologetically, then left the house. If it was not for his height and appearance, everybody would probably think Alphonse was the older brother. That kind of gentle personality was not supposed to belong to a fourteen year-old boy.
"Den, we need to be quiet."
Winry whispered to Den as she put him down. Den whimpered, waving his tail happily.Edward was sleeping on the living room sofa, the blanket that was put on by Alphonse was kicked down. The 19 year-old who was supposed to be a lawful adult crouched his body like a child.Winry put the blanket on him again, and tugged it under his chin. He opened his eyes in a sort of delirious situation. After a while he shut his eyes once more, this time flipping along with the blanket.
Edward was murmuring something. But she heard it. It was not hallucination.
"Winry......let me sleep a bit more."
"Den, endure this." Winry connected the automail. The animal yelped in pain, and the pupils began to blur while slowly lying down on the ground. Winry smiled. "You can walk again."
"Rockbell, you graduated." Edward scratched Den's fur.
"It's all because of Mr.Edward..If it was not for you..."
"No, only you can do this job." Edward grinning, sticking out a thumb as a compliment. "Good luck out there."
"Um...Mr.Edward's arm is not fitting that well now. Can you really just leave it like this?" Winry descended her head.
"Er...." Edward clenched his fists, making clear metal sounds.
"Can you with it?" Winry used all her guts to blurt it out. "As a present for teaching me all of this. Although I and Mr.Edward's mechanic still have a big difference, but I want to do as much as I can for you."
The last few words were hardly audible. Dark blotches tainted the floor. Winry used her back hand to wipe away the gushing tears, everything was not visible, she could not see the man's face in front of him. She only know he was approaching her. The touch of metal was on her cheek, Edward was gently brushing the tears away.
"Thanks, but I promised her my arm and leg is hers to fix."
"But....she is not here, isn't she? I believe she wants someone to help Mr.Edward when she is not around." She gripped on his clothes, so tightly that the edge of her fingers were turning white.
"Okay, i'll leave it to you then..."
His hand placed on her blond head, tenderly stroking the strand of her hair, with so much affection.
"Brother you finally made up your mind." Alphonse crinkled a smile when he saw Edward was taking off his clothes.
"Al." He twisted the head away, his face was a smidge pink.
"HeeHee." Alphonse closed the door behind him. "I'm going to go buy dinner material."
When Winry was working, she would away tie up her hair. Edward could not help but stare. It was not the first time Winry saw him like this. Perhaps he did not notice that his eyes were full of fondness and a small arc was at the corner of his mouth.
"You took good care of this. Plus the work was elaborate. She must be a professional. Making Mr.Edward's automail to be like this." Winry commented. "You even oiled the toughest part."
"I might die if I don't do a good maintainace. She is extremely violent." Again, his golden irises gleamed.
"Hey, can you tell me about her?" Winry inhaled. "About your mechanic."
"Mr.Edward didn't realize it, did you?" Winry, stopping her work, pierced into his eyes, expression sombre.
"You always smiles so softly at me. However-----"She paused to breathe. "I know, you were not looking at me. Someone else was in your eyes."
"Sorry." After a while of silence, Edward dropped his pupils.
"Are we really alike?" She began to work officially. The tweaking of the screws renovated in the room.
"Personality is kinda different." He supported his chin with the left hand, focusing in mid-air. "She's more outgoing."
"Mr.Edward loves her dearly, correct?" The young man was not replying. His face was scarlet, cheeks pumped with air, as if not happy that his feelings were busted. Winry cleaned up the tools, beaming. "I bet she loves you too, Ms.Winry."
Edward's pupils contracted, looking at her, shocked.
"How..did you know?" Edward's voice was tremoring.
"You told me." Winry shortened the distance between her face and his. "Mr.Edward, you were talking in your sleep."
Edward turned his head away again; with the right hand covering his right eye, coldness spread under the skin:"I'm really...sorry."
"You don't need to apologize." Winry pulled away the artificial hand, turning his face in order to make him look at her. "We were too alike so you might get mixed up. But, the person you are looking at right now, the person right in front of you, is me--"
"Not her."
No matter how alike their appearances were, no matter how similar their gentle tones were.
"So, please don't use that face, please look at me for who I am."
No matter how our smiles were identical, I will never be her.
His arms wrapped around her neck, pulling her close tightly. The same clean smell was in her nose. Winry stretched her own arms to hold him, closing her eyes and beaming.
"Just stay like this. " Edward's voice was still shivering. "Just for a little bit."
"Hm." She increased the force behind his back. "Hey, just for once."
"Call MY name, okay?"
"Thank you, Edward."
"Ah, Miss Winry good morning."
"Good morning, Alphonse."
"Brother is sleeping, he drank too much again." Alphonse rubbed his head awkwardly.
"It's fine, I'm here to say goodbye."
"I'm going to travel around and help people with this technology."
"I'll go wake him up."
"No it's okay." Winry pulled Alphonse-who was intending to stand up-down. "Let him rest. He must be over-working himself again."
"Yeah, brother is always like that." A sigh. "Always making people worry."
Winry chuckled lowly as she stroked Alphonse's hair. He blushed. "You are working hard too."
"Is it really okay to not wake him?"
"Yeah." She nodded. "I noticed it when I first met him, even though everything I see is grey."
"Mr.Edward's light and temperature are so blinding and warm that you would immense deep into him and cannot get out."
"Like gold and red."
"Exactly. I am really glad I met him."She walked towards Alphonse, hugging him."Say sorry to him for me, alright?"
"Then, goodbye."
"Miss Rockbell, thank you so much."
"I'm flattered to hear that. Please come back anytime if you have any problems."
Winry put all the tools back, and suggested.
"Um, I wanted to ask you a long time ago..."
"Why is that painting on your dest only has two colors?"
Winry followed the trace of the customer's finger to the painting of a young man sleeping snuggly on the couch; she smiled.
"Because, i can't forget that warmth and brightness."

She was naturally color blind.
Almost every automail is grey.
Silver grey.
A story of that parallel world. A world without the true Winry Rockbell.
It was bound to be a tragedy.
Wasn't it?
The real Winry was not there, and the Edward who belonged to this Winry did not exist.
Winry Rockbell in this world was supposed to have a lover or a fiance, and the destined one at that.
Nevertheless, they never met.
He was dead before they met.
The real Edward in the parallel world.
She met Edward for the sake of her dream.
Studying automails.
Same appearance, same voice, same smile.
Bewitched Edward.
But girls were sensitive.
It did not consume a lot of time for her to notice that he was never looking at "her".
Adjusting the automails for him, pleading him to call HER name for once.
It was a wish before she leaves.
About that drawing off him on the sofa.
She drew it stealthily on the day she found out the name of that mechanic. The same day Edward kissed her with a misty mind.
Ed never knew about it.
These were the secrets that was Winry's to keep. Proving that she met this man.
To Ed, meeting the Winry in this world was cruel and miserable beyond belief.
The person he had been yearning to meet the most, and the person he could not meet under any circumstances.
She was standing in front of him, with the same face.
But not her.
However, no matter what world he was in, he could not refuse the request from the owner of that face.
That was why he taught her about automails.
That was why he led her fix his automails.
That was why he called out her name.
Edward thought he should leave some souvenirs for Winry.
Like a man with the same hair and eyes.
But even though Edward was reckless, he would never do anything unrespectful to girls.
Even when he mistook her as Winry.
Even then, he merely smiled.
Under the affects from alcohol, he merely left a feather-like kiss.
The brightness of gold.
The warmth of red.
And the tranquility of white light grey.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

A special Kuroshitsuji anime interview and my own review about Kuroshitsuji series

This is the amv of the opening in Kuroshitsuji anime version that is NOT made by me. I do not own this.
There is also another video that has the 2nd Ending at the END of this post so you have to scroll down to the very end of this page...
Kuroshitsuji is a manga/anime my friend recommended me to read. At first I wasn't really interested, all I knew was that someone called Sebastian was a demon that was intending to eat some random person's soul. However when I really read it, i realized the series was not that simple, it had horror(sort of), comedy, mystery, drama, a bit of true history, and of course, fantasy.
I was pretty surprised that setting of this series had such a deep historical background. This is a fantasy based on a strong reality. The Victorian Era was the period of time that England was flourishing the most, and also the proudest time. The tremendous amount of history during that time was outstanding and extremely dinstinct, which made creating a "fantasy" much harder. I was impressed because the author was doing a good job. I mean the clothes, the style, the relationship of the fantasy and the history...It was all wove together in a delicate way.
But the most important thing in this anime/manga is the chemistry between Sebastian and Ciel. A demon was intrigued by the power of Ciel's soul-his will to survive, regardless to anybody else but himself. On the other side, this 10 year-old boy who had just experienced through the absolute human hell, had to make the sacrifice his soul to a hungry yet forceful demon in order to take vengeance on everyone who had done this to him. They were both selfish and stubborn, but that was the whole reason that brought them together. They never had any feelings for each other, it was like the employee and the employer, which was not supposed to be interesting. Nevertheless, their atmosphere around each other somehow fascinated me in an ineffable way. Maybe it was the absolute loyalty, maybe it was the thin omnious aura, maybe it was the telepathy between the two or maybe it was the tension of knowing their inevitable ending. Who was the predetor? Who was the prey? Who won in the end? The questions kept the audience there.
My personal favourite character is not Sebastian, though.Sebastian, in my opinion, was too perfect, too perfect that he left no conspicuous impression except that he was perfect. I do not favor in perfection, I am repulsive towards it. It was the imperfections that made "humans" attractive. So my favourite is actually Ciel. I admire his strength within. Even though he may be an annoying little brat who thinks he is all that, I loved him. He did not collapse after destiny deceived him. And he was only 10 years old. I felt the connection with him, and I suppose that everyone else did as well. I would've done the same thing as him if I was in his situation. If you are going to die, would you rather die out of hatred and regret instead of leaving no regret and die with the feeling of accomplishment and victory? I guess even "little kids in the slums know that". He is not afraid to show his true self, his ugliness, his sins, in order to live in this world. He held neither shame nor repentance against himself. He did not make himself as an obstacle to overcome in his life, which not a lot people in this world are able to do. Oh~don't pretend and say that I'm wrong and comment that Ciel is a horrible person full of resentment. Nobody is ever a saint, that is just how humans are.
My favourite episode of Ciel would be the last episode. He died with dignity. The moonlight shone on his face, filling his existance with grace. When he closed his eyes, my heart prickled. Although I wished he wouldn't die, I respect him for keeping his words.
Even though none of this is pratically REAL, but it sets examples and concepts for the audience.
This series inspired me a lot, and I have high expectation for its continuing work.
Now, here is the interview for the anime directory I translated in a magazine. Hope you can enjoy it.
The series had ended smoothly. I would like to talk to you while looking back at the old episodes. Firstly, what did you think is the most important thing during the makings of Kuroshitsuji?

Director: I think it's the relationship between Ciel and Sebastian. It was the kind of relationship that was fun to make.

------How did you intend to express the relationship between the two?

Director: I don't really know how to say Like "not talking directly face to face". Because their relationship is the butler and his master, so when we were drawing the images of the two, there were not a lot of pictures when they are facing each other. Mostly they're standing side by side. And that kind of atmosphere really expressed the whole story well. Drawing pictures like this was new to me, the variations were interesting.

---------Not facing each other?

Director: For example, during the Opening from Episode 14 where the singing was like "Yasashikute~Atsukute~", Ciel and Sebastian were both on the screen instead of Sebastian alone. We made the scene to be like "They're back to back, and they will not look at each other no matter what." and "Although Sebastian is looking at Ciel, Ciel is not looking at him." The chemistry is greatly conveyed by this kind of vision.

-----------The organizer of this series said that the final episode was inspired by the 1st Opening and 2nd Ending.

Director: The first Opening was basically what happened in the final episode. Where Ciel was drowning and Sebastian was trying save him. Sebastian protects Ciel. But in the end Ciel's body dissapears. It's like that.

------------So you are saying that the ending was implied in the very beginning.

Director:Yes. Actually, the bench Ciel was sitting on at the end of the 1st Opening was the same one that Ciel "died" on during the final episode. That bench was modeled from the broken bench in a haunted England mansion. The bench was very realistic, so we joked that we should let Ciel die in that bench. But somehow we really made it like that(laughs).This scene had a very strong impact.

--------------Where is that final place in Kuroshitsuji?

Director: I'll let the fans talk about where that is.

---------------Did you consider the storyline from the start?

Director: Although there were a lot of manga authors who wanted the anime to "follow the original story", but Yana-sensei said that she was fine with everything we do to this anime. We all thought that maybe it was because she had so much confidence in her work so she did not mind. Because Sebastian and Ciel's relationship is based on a contract, so we have to end it in the anime, otherwise the ending would be extremely unsatisfying for the audience. Sensei really saved us a lot of work.

--------------Who is your favourite character in the series?

Director: I like Ciel the best. I was called hentai by the other staff because i wrote something like "Ciel young master's cute ears" on the commentary.(laughs) Ciel was very adorable when he was small.

---------------Both physically, and mentally?

Director: I think-just based on the surface here-Ciel's personality has the most complexity. Even though he is a child he deliberately abandoned the things that a child should have and carried the heavy tasks. I found this part of him really intriguing.

---------------What do you think of Sebastian?

Director: So difficult to draw!(laughs) It is hard to make him cool in the anime. Not only he has a slim body figure, he is also tall like a model. Though a lot of mangas are able to reveal the length and details by drawing it horizontally, but on TV it's always vertical so some of the details might be missing. But in my opinion, the character designer drew Sebastian very well.

--------------Grell was popular as well.

Director: Because he held a strong self-image, especially in Kuroshitsuji. The motion editor had a lot of fun making him move.
Here is the other video..i was supposed to put the 2nd Ending song into it but I can't find any good ones...but this song is by the same vocal group, the 2nd Ending and this song were packaged together in a single CD, so it corresponds with the 2nd Ending "Lacrimosa". It is called "Gloria". Enjoy